Fear. (I wanted craft out something really long and coherent, but typing on my iPod is driving me nuts. Auto-correct sucks.)

I fear growing up. This sounds stupid, but it's true. The older we get, the uglier we become. People become competitive, they become selfish. They lose their innocence, their kindness, they even lose sight of themselves. I don't wanna grow up. The older I get the more I'm exposed to the dark side of our society, that I was once painstakingly shielded from, to reality. I'd honestly rather live in my own little bubble and be laughed at for being delusional.

I fear death. It hurts, it's horrible. I haven't exactly experienced losing anyone I love, and I don't ever want to. I can't comprehend how people so alive one day, so full of zest, can become stone cold the next, and merely a part of our memories as though they'd never lived. I know, people always say how we'll always remember our loved
ones in our hearts. But it's never the same. And the thought of someone being gone permanently is depressing to me. I hate these permanent stuff, like no matter how hard you miss them, they'll never be back again.

I fear consequences. I daren't think of my future, or pursue my dreams. I'm afraid of taking the wrong path and ruining my life. I believe there's more to life than the life I'm leading, manipulated by society, going with the flow - no ideals of my own, just going with the flow. Someday it'd hit me hard that going with the flow isn't what's gonna make me succeed cos I obviously don't have an edge over others ( like I've said, I've got no talent and my grades will never be good enough to compete), or live the life I desire, but I'm too afraid of deviating from the norm. Maybe someday I'd gather enough courage to be accountable to myself, oblivious to opinions of others, and seek the life I desire. Maybe. Albeit contradicting, sometimes I secretly wish I'm already grown-up. Then my future and career's already set. I don't have to be fearful of taking the wrong step.

Pfft. Off to study. Bye, don't miss me.

P.S. To anyone who cares, I might be gone for awhile - promos' drawing near.