Holidays ?


This must be the most boring holiday I've ever spent.

All I did for the past few weeks was studying for Rpapers, or so I wish, cos' what I really did was attempting to study for Rpapers. Seriously, looking at the amount of work done, or rather, undone, I might as well have spent the past 20days or so sleeping, and still be as 'prepared' for the papers as I am now. And by sleeping, I could have at least improved my complexion and probably earn some points in the health department, thereby increasing the odds of my brain actually functioning when I seriously start studying - which, FYI, is tomorrow. I've made up my mind to start mugging for Rpapers tomorrow. Shutup if you're thinking that's me procrastinating. I am. But, shutup.

And to add on to my misery, I'm grounded for the holidays. Ahem, if you've been reading my blog, or actually, my past blog - I haven't been blogging alot bout my family stuff this year, you'll probably know my dad's restrictive bout me going out and stuff, so at the rebellious age of 17, I'd probably be pissed bout this arrangement but nope, I'm not, at least not this time. Why? Cos I fucking deserve this shit. Yes, sad to say and hard to admit, but I absolutely feel that I deserve being grounded for the crappy results I've been dishing out this year. And while I've snuck out a couple of times since the holidays started, I still stand by this thinking.

To be honest, I've always felt that I am responsible for my results and it should not affect anyone else but me, given it's my future at sake, so I don't always get that 'parent's-upset-over-lousy-results' thing, like, what in the world has my results got to do with you? But apparently being a parent, you're responsible for everything your child does, so if their future is bleak due to lack of education resulting in securing only jobs that pay poorly, it's your fault, and it's their responsibility to make sure this doesn't happen, or at least, prevent it from happening.

In short, parents are suppose to feel disappointed or enraged when their child comes home with poor grades, and mine are no exception, though my dad made it clear that at this age I am responsible for my studies, long as I come back with decent grades. So obviously, I've failed him in this aspect and I'm actually feeling a little indebted to my parents, a little guilty so as to speak. Like, I've somewhat betrayed their trust in me cos while they've had little faith in me doing well in my studies, little did they expect me to do so badly since, as I've said in my previous post, I've always been an averager.

Bottom line : Study hard, from now on.


By the way, I haven't forgotten bout the 30day Challenge, but I've been too lazy and busy attempting to study, to get started on it. Hopefully I'll get the second letter done soon cos I'm intending to stop after it. Sad to say, my interest in it has died down to a pathetic zero.

K, it's 4.12am which means I've spent 2hours on the comp, time which could have otherwise been spent studying/sleeping.

PS. Does anybody realise I sound weird in this post? I think I sound weird, must be the angst.