Other times, I'm a dandelion wannabe - free as wind, free as birds in the skies.
Don't ever recall coming outright with people about my insecurities beneath all the noise. I'm really a ball of insecurity - always secretly over-thinking, over-reading, paranoid and sensitive. I hate being in the unknown about things, I hate blurry faint lines in life. I hate that certain things just cannot be defined, particularly human relationships. And it irks me.
Life has taught me people are same yet different. Another of life's irony.
Yes, we are the same -we eat, drink, poop and we sleep, live, die.
No, we are different- we are individuals. We have our own personalities, we have our own values.
And the latter's what sets us apart, as well as what irritates me. It shocks me how different people can be, and it hurts sometimes, at least for me. It gets on my nerves how oblivious certain people are towards the impact their actions causes. Particularly so when the 'people' happen to be my friends or acquaintances. And it doesn't help that despite the hurt, I'd like to think people are ignorant of the pain they inflict, that they are 'just like that', that for this matter, we have different viewpoints and the pain is never intentional. That if they knew, they'd choose to do things differently, that they'd be sorry. Even the best of sisters don't see eye to eye all the time, what more strangers placed together by fate? Besides, I'm actually picky about friends - thus the few, so I'd never really think of them as bad.
Speaking of friends, it's annoying how unclear my relationship is with some because it's so hard to define. I treat this whole friend thing seriously and I know there are people who don't. I often wonder if it is even right to call certain people friends because some friends are habitual - we were close, now we're not, but it's hard to act like we're strangers so I treat them the same as I did, then there are the periodical ones - we're good then we're bad, close then we're not, it's really hard to keep up and it gets me confused . And I'd hate to think that certain people only want me as 'friend' because they want something out of me, thus the fluctuating treatment. And then there's this whole silent set of social do's and don'ts that stops me from being ruthless and becoming strangers with certain people. See the complexity of relationships? Don't even get me started on explaining my issue with defining the degree of friendship with friends.
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Don't ever recall coming outright with people about my insecurities beneath all the noise. I'm really a ball of insecurity - always secretly over-thinking, over-reading, paranoid and sensitive. I hate being in the unknown about things, I hate blurry faint lines in life. I hate that certain things just cannot be defined, particularly human relationships. And it irks me.
Life has taught me people are same yet different. Another of life's irony.
Yes, we are the same -we eat, drink, poop and we sleep, live, die.
No, we are different- we are individuals. We have our own personalities, we have our own values.
And the latter's what sets us apart, as well as what irritates me. It shocks me how different people can be, and it hurts sometimes, at least for me. It gets on my nerves how oblivious certain people are towards the impact their actions causes. Particularly so when the 'people' happen to be my friends or acquaintances. And it doesn't help that despite the hurt, I'd like to think people are ignorant of the pain they inflict, that they are 'just like that', that for this matter, we have different viewpoints and the pain is never intentional. That if they knew, they'd choose to do things differently, that they'd be sorry. Even the best of sisters don't see eye to eye all the time, what more strangers placed together by fate? Besides, I'm actually picky about friends - thus the few, so I'd never really think of them as bad.
Speaking of friends, it's annoying how unclear my relationship is with some because it's so hard to define. I treat this whole friend thing seriously and I know there are people who don't. I often wonder if it is even right to call certain people friends because some friends are habitual - we were close, now we're not, but it's hard to act like we're strangers so I treat them the same as I did, then there are the periodical ones - we're good then we're bad, close then we're not, it's really hard to keep up and it gets me confused . And I'd hate to think that certain people only want me as 'friend' because they want something out of me, thus the fluctuating treatment. And then there's this whole silent set of social do's and don'ts that stops me from being ruthless and becoming strangers with certain people. See the complexity of relationships? Don't even get me started on explaining my issue with defining the degree of friendship with friends.
PS. If any real friend of mine's getting insecure and paranoid here, we've yet another thing in common. But anyway, don't over think. I'm sure it won't hit home for the ones I'm thinking about while writing this post.
PPS. Don't get to thinking that I'm oh-so saintly, I don't ever commit crimes of insensitivity. I do too, I'm only human. But I always punish myself with guilt upon realising how sharp my words were. Unless I intended to offend you, then you probably deserved it.
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