It's been a couple of months now, but I still can't stop those horrible images from running through my head. (and also perhaps because I just met H and the beaten look on his face tells me he's been missing someone like you) Planned on sleeping at home all day on Sunday except sleeping became dreadful because I won't stop thinking of you or the incident. I was thinking of heads and that led to skulls, which led to the fracture on your skull, and the xrays of your head that I saw. And by then it was too late to stop because my mind was flooded with scenes of your funeral, and flash backs of my visit at your ward. Which are all still very overwhelming and I try not to think of them as much as I can because they set me into a sad mood like yesterday, and now as I'm typing.

I hate that I can't even wish for you to come back because now you're supposed to be nothing but memories, and perhaps the ashes of your body. I can't even stand that I just typed you as 'your body'. I'm sorry. I'm really bad at dealing with death, or accepting the demise of another being, or maybe just yours because I'd never think of death with someone your age (which is morbid because we all know death happens to anybody and any age) .