2.31am

Probably not the best time to be blogging - promos' in 5days or so, thence logically speaking, I ought to be spending whatever time I have on studying, plus I'm feeling so dead beat I'm gonna be incoherent like mad, but I desperately need to clear my head. I don't wanna go to bed feeling burdened and wake up equally gloomy.

I have alot to say but my thoughts and feelings aren't translating very well into words, so I'll just try my best while my laptop's still alive. I'll probably cover the gloomy and burdened part some other time. Pfft.


I'm so tired of fighting for a 'better tomorrow' that I can't foresee. Sorry to say, but I honestly think my future's bleak as can be and right now I'm just as lost as a sheep. It's like standing at a crossroad leading to many different paths and every step you choose comes with potential lethal threats. Make a wrong move and you might just fall into a bottomless pit. And while you fall, you're dying to hit the ground - put an end to the misery. But when it rains, it pours. You'll never know the impact till your hair's grey perhaps.

And I think I've been harping too much on going with the flow with education and stuff, but here's possibly my last piece on this topic. (I'm sorry, I NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD)

I honestly think some people are stupid and this enrages me. Like, they just blindly go with the flow without doubting the system, accepting it rather willingly. Maybe they excel in such an environment and to be honest, I do admire their determination and results. I'd never gain such grades or put my heart to it. But I've always wondered have they ever thought about their ultimate goal in life? Like, isn't there something that they want to do specifically in life? Their dreams? I mean surely nobody was born or came along with the thought of working hard for an education for 20years of their lives and just see by fate what happens after that, right? Education's probably just a stepping stone so they can get what they want, which is fine with me. What I really fail to understand is those who're aimless. There are obviously a number of such in the pack. I suppose I'm one of them too, that's why I get mad at myself sometimes. Don't these people ever feel silly? I know I do. But I suppose what I should be questioning ought to be why the world's so results oriented! Like honestly, in my bubble world, I wanna live like Flintstone. Or a more realistic ideal would be to just roam around the world, writing poems and letters and stories. I like that idea.

Ps. It's kinda funny how I'm receiving education and am using it to question the need for it. By my post, I'm not saying education isn't important. It obviously is, at this day and age. Without it the world probably wouldn't even be where it is today in terms of technological advancements, humanological advancements and stuff like that, you get the drift. I'm just trying say that for all the aimless ones, at this age, we should really consider what we're trying to gain out of it.

PPS. I've always wondered if people really do read my posts, then again, not like I post alot of pictures of myself or anything of interests. Thank you very much if you've survived reading till this sentence.

By the way, I'm not feeling devastated. I'm not giving up on my studies or anything. I'm just, at a stage where I'm feeling really confused and uncertain about life and education happens to be a really big part of my life now. If anything, I'm really more of feeling alil deflated. But I'll bounce back up, once I get things sorted out. Life would be great again. Think positive