I was sitting in the front seat singing to whatever’s on the radio last night, when ‘Ocean Wide’ came on. I can’t remember which year was it that I first heard it. I can’t remember who told me about the song. I remember listening to this song and thinking about you every time. I remember thinking of you last night when it came on. 

The other day she asked me about you. She said she haven’t met you in a long time. In that moment I fully understood the meaning of being awkward. How do I explain to someone I barely know, that I don’t know how you’ve been because I’ve given up on this friendship entirely? How do I explain, that between me and you, and you and her, it’s an entirely different form of interaction? That I can’t see the you she sees? That ‘How’s … lately?’ is an intimate question, and I’m far from knowing how you’ve been because all I’ve been doing lately is removing you from my life? 

That night I realised I dislike the mention of your name.