2014

2014 came and went in what feels like the blink of an eye. It's terrifying actually, how time seems to pass faster with age. A scroll down my Facebook feed revealed how everyone's year was mostly sad and bleak, and how they all wish for a better year ahead. Hah, funny how I've never seen the sad part of people's lives on social media (till now).  I guess it's true that people mostly only reveal the good parts of their lives, while the ugly side gets tucked under. I also have a lot of thoughts on social media today, but let's save that for another day. 

I reckon this is yet another typical end of year post even though it's 2nd Jan as I'm typing away. 2014 was an okay year in general. I think being in university really fucks up my sense of time because the academic year overlaps and the semesters spread between 2 years - Sem 1 is from Aug to December, while Sem 2 is from Jan to May. 

I'm trying very hard to recall what I've done in the past year. 

- FWOC (Summer'14)

- Blockcomm 

- Lousy CAP 

- Family & Friends 

- 20 

So yeah, last year I was a FWOCer and I ran for blockcomm elections. These are hall achievements and they're basically on the list because I've been meaning to run for these 2 positions since I entered hall. Both were/are (still a blockcommer) valuable experiences that's taught me a lot about interacting with people and social / life skills basically. 

Lousy CAP - studied my ass off this semester, but somehow I managed an even lower CAP than my freshman year. If you know me, you'd know I spent much of year 1 clubbing and having fun so no surprise there with my bad grades. But unfortunately for me, studying hasn't paid off and I'm still scoring badly, even now. To be honest, I was really thrown into a slump when I saw my grades this semester. Studying AND still scoring badly has never happened to me. All my life, studying was always rewarded with good grades. Hard work means rewards. You reap what you sow. I was feeling frustrated, lost and afraid. Afraid of my future, dreams and everything going down the drain. I've never felt lousier and more useless in my entire life. But obviously grades, while an important factor for employment and future, is not the only determinant. I believe I can still make it out there - still in process of figuring things out, but yea. Haven't lost all hope yet. I'm more than determined to work even harder for this coming semester. Quoting Jt's words, if you want something bad enough, you'll find a way. (or something along this line, I kinda forgot, HAHA) 

Family & Friends I haven't blogged about this even though I've been meaning to - procrastination at best, but last year, my father was admitted to the hospital because of heart attack. It was the scariest night of my life, and I was at many points that night, afraid of losing him. I remember him having immense chest pains and he could barely breathe. But he insisted on not calling the ambulance so we forced him to the hospital on a cab. I was so scared I was beginning to tear on the cab but somehow managed to put up a strong front. Anyway, he stayed for a surgery and after his recovery he's been leading a much healthier lifestyle. All's good now - blessing in disguise maybe. But yeah, that episode taught me to be thankful , for family and friends. That we're all well and happy. That we all have each other. 

20. For self. For experiment. For growth. For doing all the wrong things and somehow turning out right. For drinking cheap alcohol on Wednesday nights. For mistakes, heartaches & heartbreaks. For staying up till it’s 6 in the morning for no reason at all. For long conversations that are gold. For losing yourself, and for finding yourself. 

This, I typed on my tumblr in June, 2014. I'm an introvert in an extrovert's shell. I love spending time with people and being loud, but I love spending time alone too. Sometimes it's just too suffocating to be constantly surrounded with people - especially when you're staying in hall, sometimes you just need to hide in your own shell for a bit. So yeah, I actually felt pretty lost towards the end of the year because I haven't had enough time for myself and or time to drown in my thoughts for a bit. Oh and for those that's interested in my love life, yes I'm (still) single. 2014. I finally mustered enough courage to tell an old crush, and faced a bit of rejection. But I needed that closure to move on, and I'm glad I did that. (In any case, we're still friends and all's well). Then I met someone new and he swept me off my feet, but I knew clearly it's all in the name of fun. The little that we had, if any, doesn't constitute love. I probably wouldn't count it as anything but at the same time, I think I was the happiest when I was around him. It's ironic isn't it? That got me thinking about love and infatuation. And how some people choose to shun from love and become the so-called players. Alternative lifestyle, I guess I can appreciate and respect that. 

Here's some quotes I extracted from conversations: 

• It’s better to not love anyone, than to love someone you can’t have 

• I don’t believe anybody’s intrinsically worthy of love 

It's interesting, people's take on love and how (different) our thoughts are. I love talking to people about their thoughts for this reason. But anyway, what's love. I'm contented with life as it is, and I've got enough things on my mind to worry about. 

I guess in a nutshell I've had my share of ups and downs in 2014. It wasn't a good year, but it wasn't a bad year either, and it was definitely better than 2013. If I had to sum up the year in 1 word, I'd choose 'Thankful'. I'm thankful for all the experiences life has bestowed upon me, be they good or bad ones. I truly believe I've grown as a person. Maybe not a better person, but definitely a tad more mature than before. Thankful, for family and friends. For the love everyone's showered on me even though I may be the least deserving person at times. And thankful, that I've survived yet another year. 2015, bring it on!